Beggars' Choice

Friend of mine told me an interesting story last night: he went into a Farmer Jack's supermarket a few days ago, and got behind an old dude trying to get a refund on a carrot. Not sure what the problem was - surplus to requirements, perhaps. Anyway, there he was; a medium sized carrot clitched in his grimy hand, asking for his money back.

And good for him, say I. I'll be conducting an experiment soon to see what the smallest item I can get a refund for - results posted here. WATCH THIS SPACE

According to this fascinating website, the honey bee's penis explodes shortly after mating.

All I can say is, if you're a bee, it must make getting a blow job extremely difficult HA HA HA HA oh, I kill myself, I really do.

If you were sitting next to an empty seat on the bus, and someone came up and asked you if the seat was taken, what would you say?

(a) "Duh, YES".
(b) [Looking them up and down] "ahhh .... ummmm ........ ah ..... ummmmm ...."
(c) "Did you hear that, Harvey? He asked if the seat was taken". [Pause] "Well, apparently so".
(d) "Oh, HAVE the goddamned seat then". [Storm off.]
(e) Burst into tears.
(f) Other.

Had to interview some people today, all of whom are at least feigning a desire to work at our factory. I know; strange, but true. Anyway, one of these was a young CHYK, who we interviewed over the phone.

"When handling dangerous chemicals, what might you wear?" we ask. Pause. "Clothes ..." she answers, before her voice trails away.



FAIL.


No-one wears clothes here, least of all when handling dangerous chemicals.

Set up a nativity scene yesterday; youngest kiddie keeps referring to the holy infant as "Sweet Jesus". Where the hell did she pick up that expression from? Not from me! Crikey Moses, kids today.

Thankfully, I have noted the absence of the following nativity-themed nomenclature: Mary Mother of God, Jesus H. Christ, and Where the Hell Are My Car Keys.