Thursday, June 22, 2006
Nerds FC
“Nerds FC” has been one of the less obnoxious reality shows on TV lately, although I didn’t see many episodes. Well, OK, I saw one; the last one. Most of it, anyway.
The premise (and like all good Australian shows, it’s been pinched from overseas) is thus: a group of hapless nerds is thrown together and drilled and honed until they become a fearsome soccer outfit, finally taking on a professional side.
They lost 10-2, and one of those two was the most blatantly deliberate own goals you would ever see.
It was mildly entertaining, although I cannot fathom why the nerds weren’t allowed to don rocket-powered boots at half time, or steer the ball into their opponents’ goal with a clever radio controlled gyroscopic device implanted in the ball. Also, surely it would have been fairer to pit them against a team of dorks? Production executives please take note.
The premise (and like all good Australian shows, it’s been pinched from overseas) is thus: a group of hapless nerds is thrown together and drilled and honed until they become a fearsome soccer outfit, finally taking on a professional side.
They lost 10-2, and one of those two was the most blatantly deliberate own goals you would ever see.
It was mildly entertaining, although I cannot fathom why the nerds weren’t allowed to don rocket-powered boots at half time, or steer the ball into their opponents’ goal with a clever radio controlled gyroscopic device implanted in the ball. Also, surely it would have been fairer to pit them against a team of dorks? Production executives please take note.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Death to the Toads
Thanks to fellow orkut-person Tom F. for drawing my attention to the fact that Australia’s army has been mobilised to fight the cane toad menace. Tom writes:
I was pleased to see the Australian Army is battling the swarming amphibian hordes. I suggest your Prime Minister fly in and declare Mission Accomplished amid a huge flock of yowping toads.
Good idea. A win here would be just the boost our national psyche needs after our disastrous showing against the emus:
At the height of the depression, Western Australian farmers called in the army to fight an "Emu War". Soldiers armed with machine guns mounted on trucks, spent several days trying to engage the enemy. But the birds seemed adept at rapid battlefield manoeuvres and were difficult targets to hit. When they did stop a bullet, they showed a remarkable capacity to keep moving. The birds even won the admiration of their enemy. The artillery commander, a Major Meredith, later said: "If we had a military division with the bullet-carrying capacity of these birds it would face any army in the world." The experiment was quickly abandoned, amid debate as to who should pay for the wasted ammunition.
Hopefully after we vanquish the toad, we can turn our attention to villainous Johnny Aphid.
I was pleased to see the Australian Army is battling the swarming amphibian hordes. I suggest your Prime Minister fly in and declare Mission Accomplished amid a huge flock of yowping toads.
Good idea. A win here would be just the boost our national psyche needs after our disastrous showing against the emus:
At the height of the depression, Western Australian farmers called in the army to fight an "Emu War". Soldiers armed with machine guns mounted on trucks, spent several days trying to engage the enemy. But the birds seemed adept at rapid battlefield manoeuvres and were difficult targets to hit. When they did stop a bullet, they showed a remarkable capacity to keep moving. The birds even won the admiration of their enemy. The artillery commander, a Major Meredith, later said: "If we had a military division with the bullet-carrying capacity of these birds it would face any army in the world." The experiment was quickly abandoned, amid debate as to who should pay for the wasted ammunition.
Hopefully after we vanquish the toad, we can turn our attention to villainous Johnny Aphid.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
World Cup - Special Craig Foster's Tie-Knot Watch Edition
Well, the World Cup - sorry, World Cup finals - are in full swing, and the country has gone soccer - sorry, football - mad. Mad, I tell you!
The SBS coverage has been nothing short of what you'd expect. SBS are the mulicultural arm of public broadcasting here in Australia, and certainly love their soccer like no-one else (also their soft core porn, but more on that later). With half a dozen experts/commentators/hangers-on offering round-the-clock descriptions of happenings on and off the pitch, SBS are in their element here, make no mistake.
My highlight thus far has been the knot on Craig Foster's tie. Unfortunately no picture available, but it seems to be getting bigger by the day. At the moment it's about half the size of his head. We'll keep you posted with further developments as they occur.
UPDATE. 14/6/06: No, sorry, no change on the tie front, just would like to draw attention to this ace bit of writing by Harry Hutton:
-Oh to be in England, now that football’s there, to drive around beeping my car horn like a cunt, and taunt my idiot countrymen in German. “Ha! Ha! One-nil, Englisher dumbkopfs.” The expression of hatred on their dim resentful faces is one of the things that make life worth living.
Most of them are too thick even to insult me properly, though sometimes they’ll come back with, “Two World Wars and one World Cup,” which I always counter with, “Three World Cups and one economic miracle,” and then Deutschland Uber Alles or the Horst Wessel Song. During Italia 90 I got in three different fights. It’s always a magical time for me.
The SBS coverage has been nothing short of what you'd expect. SBS are the mulicultural arm of public broadcasting here in Australia, and certainly love their soccer like no-one else (also their soft core porn, but more on that later). With half a dozen experts/commentators/hangers-on offering round-the-clock descriptions of happenings on and off the pitch, SBS are in their element here, make no mistake.
My highlight thus far has been the knot on Craig Foster's tie. Unfortunately no picture available, but it seems to be getting bigger by the day. At the moment it's about half the size of his head. We'll keep you posted with further developments as they occur.
UPDATE. 14/6/06: No, sorry, no change on the tie front, just would like to draw attention to this ace bit of writing by Harry Hutton:
-Oh to be in England, now that football’s there, to drive around beeping my car horn like a cunt, and taunt my idiot countrymen in German. “Ha! Ha! One-nil, Englisher dumbkopfs.” The expression of hatred on their dim resentful faces is one of the things that make life worth living.
Most of them are too thick even to insult me properly, though sometimes they’ll come back with, “Two World Wars and one World Cup,” which I always counter with, “Three World Cups and one economic miracle,” and then Deutschland Uber Alles or the Horst Wessel Song. During Italia 90 I got in three different fights. It’s always a magical time for me.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Is This How You Sell a Product, or What?
On eBay:
"TITLE: Holpen Business Shirt 41
Long Sleeved. Shirt Clearance Lot
SIZE: 41
FABRIC: Polyester/cotton
Great for long distance phone calls.
Clean newly laundered in good condition.
I COMBINE POSTAGE SO CHECK OUT MY OTHER ITEMS AND SAVE "
A shirt great for long distance phone calls? Wowee! Gotta get me one of those! (They aren't kidding by the way, long distance phone calls are about all it's good for. Perhaps also being buried alive in, or spontaneously combusting in, but that's about it.)
"TITLE: Holpen Business Shirt 41
Long Sleeved. Shirt Clearance Lot
SIZE: 41
FABRIC: Polyester/cotton
Great for long distance phone calls.
Clean newly laundered in good condition.
I COMBINE POSTAGE SO CHECK OUT MY OTHER ITEMS AND SAVE "
A shirt great for long distance phone calls? Wowee! Gotta get me one of those! (They aren't kidding by the way, long distance phone calls are about all it's good for. Perhaps also being buried alive in, or spontaneously combusting in, but that's about it.)
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Something for the Kids
It's Foundation Day tomorrow, another holiday. It's something to do with a chick chopping down a tree about 200 years ago, and declaring Perth well and truly open, on for young and old; that sort of thing.
Anyway, I thought it might be nice to have a public holiday that's a bit more "hip" for the younger set, and that's why I'm suggesting celebrating Awesome Day, some time around August or Septemeber, because there's nothing there now.
Awesome Day celebrates everything that's really awesome. Haven't really thought much more about it, but I imagine it would begin with John Howard playing a bitchin' rendition of the national anthem on a Fender Strat, and then driving a monster truck around Canberra for an hour or two. It would then conclude with a regular fireworks display, except all the fireworks would be let off at once. Awesome!
I'll get back to you with further thoughts if I have any.
Anyway, I thought it might be nice to have a public holiday that's a bit more "hip" for the younger set, and that's why I'm suggesting celebrating Awesome Day, some time around August or Septemeber, because there's nothing there now.
Awesome Day celebrates everything that's really awesome. Haven't really thought much more about it, but I imagine it would begin with John Howard playing a bitchin' rendition of the national anthem on a Fender Strat, and then driving a monster truck around Canberra for an hour or two. It would then conclude with a regular fireworks display, except all the fireworks would be let off at once. Awesome!
I'll get back to you with further thoughts if I have any.
