Beggars' Choice

A while back, we advertised for some new employees. To prepare for the wave of bright young things, our department took the step of buying two new desks, two new chairs, and two new laptops. To cut a long story short, the successful applicants have knocked us back in disgust after not getting a solid job offer for over two months after the interviews. So the chairs, desks, and laptops sit unused.

Anyway, today I helped myself to one of the chairs. They belong to no one, they have never been used, and they are comfy and do not squeak (unlike my old one).

To cut a short story even shorter, total pandemonium has broken out. Strongly worded emails concerning "theft" and "unprofessional conduct" have been flung about wildly, and there have been loud arguments in the corridor between section heads! The department is being rent asunder! It is WAR, my friends!

I wonder how sane people would resolve the issue? I would give the chair back, but to whom, precisely? Also, it is comfy.

Ah; I kid, I'll put it back. But let them sweat for a while. What brinkmanship! The Cuban missile crisis pales by comparison.